ESCONDIDO, CA (April 28, 2015) – My legend precedes me, but I shall introduce myself nonetheless for the purpose of enlightening those who have somehow missed the glory-be-to beer—that is yours truly: Arrogant Bastard Ale. And now enter an oak-matured cohort of the Liquid Arrogance—Bourbon Barrel-Aged Arrogant Bastard.
You get an inbox-strangling number of press releases about unimaginative, banal and inane commodity ‘products’ and ‘foodstuffs’ every day, all purporting to embody a veritable host of imagined attributes. Frankly, that sounds like living hell. I’m too good to subject you to that, and I’m trusting you’re too good to settle for anything less than what I have taken the time to provide.
You see, I’m not alone. Mine is an illustrious and outspoken lineage that includes spawned cohorts like Double Bastard Ale and Lukcy Basartd Ale. (Haven’t heard of them? Time to question your priorities.) Those who love me harbor similar if not greater affection for the boldness I embody.
I sense I’ve piqued your interest. And if I haven’t, seriously, what in the name of all that is just and right in this world is wrong with you? Bourbon. Barrel. Aged. ARROGANT BASTARD! If skimming these words doesn’t get your juices flowing, your challenge may be simply that you’re dried up. But this can be rectified easily enough by making the pleasure of my acquaintance. The arrival of Bourbon Barrel-Aged Arrogant Bastard provides an opportunity for significant self-improvement. If you’re unable to see that, then hand this off to someone who’s capable of caring.
Will you pass up what the most discerning of craft beer enthusiasts would elbow out each other to realize for themselves…or will you drag this message to your over-stuffed trash folder, passing up on something not only special but potentially life-changing?
As always, the choice is yours. Enlightenment and sensual glory have been the rewards for those brave and astute enough to appreciate the onslaught of flavor and insight that results from stepping off the proverbial ledge. Should the outcome of your tangle with Liquid Arrogance leave you impressed, blown away or downright gobsmacked, all I ask in return for this bottle of highly coveted ale is that you join the already expansive legions of the Worthy and help spread the word. In this case, not just about Bourbon Barrel-Aged Arrogant Bastard, but of what myself and my new progeny stand for: beer that is better than the lowest-common-denominator swill that for so long has defined America’s brewing heritage. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.
Notice how this release does not do your work for you. I understand you are overworked and underpaid, but you will have to write this one up for yourself. It’s called “journalism,” not “copy and paste-ism.” For better or worse, I trust in you. I truly hope you share that trust in yourself.
Name: Bourbon Barrel-Aged Arrogant Bastard
Stats: 7.9% ABV
Six-packs and draft, beginning April 27
Distribution: (The lucky states of…) AK, AL, AZ, CA, CO, CT, DC, DE, FL, GA, HI, IA, ID, IL, IN, KS, KY, LA, MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MO, MT, NC, NE, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OH, OR, PA, RI, SC, TN, TX, VA, VT, WA and Puerto Rico
International Distribution: Australia; Alberta and British Columbia, Canada; Japan; Singapore; Sweden; and United Kingdom
This article originally appeared on craftbeer.com